Depervation

As I was driving to the gym today I started to feel unhappy. Deprived of something. I was thinking about money again. I think I am broke all the time! It's chronic. I always feel deprived. Where does this come from? I mean I have everything I want. I guess. Why do I frequently go through this? My life has changed in so many ways since my childhood. I have turned bad situations into good ones, I have taken back control of my life, I have my own home and a decent car... what else could it be? I said to myself, "You have everything you want. You are fine. Why do you always go to this place in your mind that makes you feel like you are missing something?"

When I came home I realized that I wanted new curtains in the house and new carpeting as well. Not having a lot of money, I took some curtains from one room and put them in another. Changed some table clothes, and cleaned a few things up to brighten the rooms. Now I feel happier about not having the money to just go shopping at my first whim. But why do I still go there in my brain? I don't know. I do have some money to go shopping, but I don't want to spend it all at once and I am sure I will. I am working as much as my job allows, but still ..

It just came to me. I don't feel proud of my accomplishments at work. My pride is based on how well I do at work or in my field. When I owned my own business, I felt so good about myself. I have confidence. I have goals. That's it. Its my work. The massage industry is very tough in that we are not cheap, not covered by insurance, and we need long hours to be open for everyone's convenience. I am a single Mom and fear that time away from my 13 year old will take away from her quality of life. I love my kids more than anything. How can I change my situation?